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Tip Off

Sarah and Rachel went to Moishe’s Deli for an afternoon lunch date. When it was time to pay their bill, the waitress came to the table to process the payment. “It’s on me,” Sarah smiled generously as she offered her credit card. After swiping the card, the waitress loudly called out to the owner, "Moishe what do I do if it says REJECTED?"

As Sarah’s face reddened and other customers turned to look, Moishe walked out from the kitchen. "Well," he answered, wiping his hands, "the first thing you do is shout it out loud enough to embarrass the customer, who might have been thinking of leaving you a tip."

Help, I’m Dead!

Morty and Shirley Rubenstein, both residents of the Maimonides Retirement Residence are lying in bed one morning, having just woken up from a good night’s sleep.

Morty takes Shirley’s hand but she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not," Morty asks. Shirley answers back, "Because I'm dead."

Morty says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here talking to one another."

Shirley says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

Morty insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

Shirley wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"

The Candy Man

A group of girls from the Talmud Torah elementary school were going door to door selling candies to raise money for their school. They knocked on Mr. Rosenberg’s door and he agreed to buy some candies.

“What kind?” one of the girls asked.

Trying to be helpful, Mr. Rosenberg asked, "Oh, let's see – which is your slowest seller?"

The tiny spokesperson thought a minute, then, pointing toward another girl, stating emphatically, "Rivky!"


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